Letter #1: Where To Begin?

Dear Mom,

At the suggestion of one of your friends who misses you dearly she nudged me to write to you, write my story, and essentially write to the world to get through the pain of loss in the way things once were. Funny to be a writer and yet at a loss of words of where to begin on this journey of chronicling how I feel and what I went through. One person said to me last fall that despite ALL of what it is that I went through and the mistreatment I still endure in trying to maintain the connection with you, no one would believe the story if they tried.

Yet, I can only go with what is front of me to begin my own healing/recovery...I'm watching the NBA semi-finals vividly recalling that less than two years ago following the conclusion of my graduate degree I came home to pack and sat for a week hollering at the t.v. almost daily for the Celtics to take the championship, which they did. Less than a year ago once I had moved out Midwest, during 'March Madness' you and texted back and forth laughing at the frenzy of college madness sharing in the NCAA moments. Last fall I hoped to hear from you during the big rival 'Ohio State - Michigan' game which you always knew was a big one for me, and yet the phone never rang. This year I watched March Madness without you, even going further this time to fill out brackets, yet the loss was heavy knowing that I could not call you to ask your suggestion on picks, "did you see that move," and wow I can't believe those 'Blue Devils' really beat Butler.  Funny that  I would start with sports knowing the avid athletes you and I once were...you - volleyball, me - soccer. I was walking on campus the other day when the sweet smell of fresh cut grass filtered over to me and as I walked further I had to hold my head down feeling tears swell up as I thought about the countless teams you put me on, practices you fought traffic to get me to, and the many games you came to and frantically ran up and down the sidelines yelling my name (with the camcorder never on) cheering me on...oh how dearly I miss you, snookums.